Welcome! Due to the recent upheaval in the performing arts, Black Button Eyes' Productions next project is a bit unusual: an online-only script and video experience. To experience the short piece Masque of the Red Coronavirus, keep reading! This piece is appropriate for ages 18+. Throughout the script below, videos of select dialogue and performances appear, created by various artists remotely. The portions of text and stage directions referenced in the videos appear immediately after/below the videos in bold. Also, all videos with dialogue contain subtitles (click CC to view them!)

Masque of the Red Coronavirus

PRINCE: Welcome, welcome, all of you beautiful important people, supporters, donors, to my Bunker.  I’m so glad all of you could make it. Don’t worry, all of you have been screened on the way in to the bunker, so we know that we’ll be completely safe in here. That said, I hope you don’t mind that for tonight at least I’ll need to speak to you from an undisclosed secure location nearby. Once we’ve spent  several more days in here to make sure none of you brought in any unexpected…surprises, I’ll be able to join you in person.  Isn’t this just a perfect place to wait out a crisis though, folks?   Although our dominions have been slightly depopulated, this is the perfect assembly of hale and light-hearted friends who have supported me from the very beginning.  Not to worry. The doors are completely sealed, the bunker is amply provisioned, and we can bid defiance to contagion. The external world will take care of itself.

And don’t think that this is some shithole bunker where you’re going to be bored the whole time. No sir! After all you had to donate enormous amounts to my reelection campaign to be here at this little costume party. I have provided all the appliances of pleasure.  Tonight we will have buffoons, improvisatori, dancers, musicians. There will be Beauty.  There will be Wine.  All these and security are here within!

…and speaking of Beauty, let’s kick things off with a little light entertainment. Nadia, where are you beautiful?

(In the bunker, Nadia, a burlesque dancer, steps forward, and the stage goes to Blue.)

PRINCE: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce our first entertainer of the night, Nadia.  Her last name doesn’t matter, though some of you might remember her as a contestant in that beauty pageant I used to run.  True, she isn’t a donor or supporter like most of you, but let’s just say she was very persuasive with me and I decided to allow her to be safe in the bunker with the rest of us as long as she was nice to me and my guests. Isn’t that right Nadia?

(NADIA doesn’t answer)

PRINCE: And since she’s such a good girl, I decided we’d have her do a little number for us all.  I present to you: Nadia, performing the Dance of the Seven Gels!

(The Hazmat Band kicks up some kind of burlesque or rock number.  NADIA performs a burlesque dance, except as she dances she doesn’t strip, but periodically smears more and more of her body with Purell and other antibacterial ointments [for safety, should actually be Vaseline or baby oil or something else without a medically active ingredient].)

PRINCE (After the Blue performance is over) Wasn’t that great? What a voluptuous scene, am I right? Isn’t she lovely folks?  But maybe not loyal enough. Boys?

(The armed security guards drag Nadia to the sealed doors and force her out of the bunker, then slam the door closed and lock it again.  For a while we might hear her banging on the door or screaming to be let back in, but it fades away as the stage goes to Purple.)

PRINCE: Next up, I’ve got a little novelty act presented by….well, let’s just say I have a golfing buddy whose nephew was going to be stuck out there with everyone else, until his uncle made a few phone calls.  Everyone please give some tepid applause to my golfing buddy’s nephew, Stanley!

(STANLEY takes center stage. He is nervous and useless)

STANLEY: Hi, I have a song prepared for everyone…

(He nods to the pianist in the Hazmat band, who starts the accompaniment of the next number)

STANLEY: ….and I like to work with puppets. (he pulls out his Spider Puppet)

SONG: The Lonely Spider   (lyrics by Ed Rutherford, Music by Jonathon Lynch)

STANLEY (as the Spider puppet):
If You have a moment,
I’d like to tell you,
I’ve watched you from afar.
My eight eyes spy you,
My leg hairs smell you,
Each evening there you are.
So long from my web I’ve adored you,
To me there is nothing dearer.
It’s creepy, I guess,
But let me confess:
Of late I have been much nearer…

I’m just the lonely spider
Who likes to climb in your mouth (When you sleep at night).
You snooze with mouth wide open,
A spider’s true delight.
I almost never bite your tongue,
And swinging from your uvula’s a lotta fun
I’m just the lonely spider in your mouth, each night.

No Need to thank me,
It’s just a pleasure
To scuttle across your face
My mandibles gently brush both your lips
As past them I do race.
And so I have done this nightly,
For several months at least.
Your eyes slowly close,
Then you start to doze,
And in I race to feast….

I’m just the hungry spider
Who likes to climb down your throat (When you sleep at night).
Since you skimp on flossing,
I get a tasty bite.
I drink your saliva in dainty sips,
Then lay some of my eggs inside your tonsular crypts.
I’m just the hungry spider in your mouth each night.

And if you squash this spider
Who likes to play in your mouth (when you sleep at night)
You won’t long be lonely,
My friends will be all right.
Every bug that’s in your bedroom parties there too;
Last night we reached capacity at ninety-two.
That’s ninety-two big spiders,
Bulging, poisonous spiders,
Ninety two ravenous spiders
In your mouth each night!  (See you later!)

PRINCE:  Jesus Christ.  Well, that was disgusting folks. Stanley, all I’m gonna say is you’re really goddamn lucky your uncle lets me win. Now, for our next bit of entertainment this evening-

>>>THE LIGHTS GO TO GREEN and static is heard as a PIRATE/HACKER RADIO BROADCAST INTERFERES WITH THE PRINCE’s FEED. A VOICE CAN EVENTUALLY BE MADE OUT<<<<

VOICE: Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me?  I hope so.  I have to hope that someone is listening, and that me doing this will help.  We’ve hijacked the signal to make sure as many people as possible know the following.  First: Do Not Go to the Downtown Hospitals.  They are full and have started turning away even the critically ill. Northwestern had a riot in the lobby and the cops dispersed everyone with gunfire. If you can’t get out to a suburban location your best chance is to stay home and hope for the best.

Second. There has been a rumor that there’s a vaccine available. Trust me, this is not true; there isn’t one rolled out yet. If we’re lucky it will go into production sometime in the next eight months. Stick to washing hands and not touching your face. We can’t afford to spread this any further. We’ve already lost too many people. Too many good people. (The voice coughs hard)

Third. Food drop. There’s going to be food and clean water available tomorrow at 12 noon at Chicago and Kedzie. Only send one person- the HEALTHIEST from your household. Just take what you need. We’ll keep trying to announce these as we hear about them.

(Crackle of static)

I think we’ll need to shut this down any second now, so one last thing.  If any of you that can hear me  are superrich assholes listening from your bunkers or remote crenellated abbeys: stay there.  Don’t ever come back out.  This isn’t going to kill all of us, and those of us who survive are going to be PISSED. THE. FUCK. OFF.  Stay safe down in the dark until you devolve into gollums and morlocks. Because after this is all over, if any of us poors you cowards left behind catch you…If I catch you, god help you. You idiots did nothing. Too little, too late, and then you ran away.  I lost my mom…can you feel my rage coming down through the wires and pervading the cells in your body via your wifi? A pox on all of you. Haha. Pun very much intended. That’s right, I curse you bastards.  (coughing, or crying, or both, as static envelopes the VOICE again and the connection is lost)

PRINCE: That’s enough of that!  What a crazed crying lowlife. Back in control folks.  Some people are just ungrateful losers who aren’t willing to admit how much we’ve been winning on this thing.  No one has done a better job trying to fight this than I did, and no one has ever been treated more unfairly than me by the mainstream media. I don’t take responsibility at all. And anyway, the virus is going to disappear. One day, it’s like a miracle, it will disappear. Anyone who says otherwise is fake news.

(The lights start to change from Green to Orange.)

PRINCE: And in here I have to tell you folks, I have never felt better getting to spend time with all of you terrific people.  I am happy and dauntless and sagacious. And to show you all that it is folly to grieve or to think, here are two more fancies for your delectation and delight…we may be free from fever in here, but that doesn’t mean we can’t turn up the heat!

(Under the orange lights, a fire dancer performs, followed by….)

(An Opera Singer steps forward to sing. Ideally she performs a piece from Cui’s ‘A Feast in Time of Plague,’  but could also do one of the famous arias involving a person expiring from illness- perhaps Mimi or Violetta, or maybe Antonia from Tales of Hoffman.)

PRINCE: That was great, wasn’t it? (Going through some cards in front of him)  Now, let’s see….next up we have… we have…

(Suddenly there is interference with the video feed and the lights start to dim.  Briefly we see that the figures in the separate bunker with THE PRINCE have been replaced.  Instead of his personal DOCTOR,  we see an ancient Plague Doctor (complete with black birdlike mask) behind the PRINCE, and instead of the woman with him we see a strange shrouded FIGURE. She is wearing a face mask but it is spattered with blood- as if she had severely advanced pneumonia and has been coughing up blood in her sputum.)

PRINCE: (terrified) What the hell?!

(The interference in the video feed abates and the DOCTOR and WOMAN in the bunker with the prince are back to normal, looking at him uncertainly.)

PRINCE: Never mind. I’m fine. I’m fine. It’s fine. Someone’s trying to play a little joke on me, huh? Look folks, I didn’t have to let you all in here with me.  Everyone loves me and there are thousands of people who would kill to take your place, so be nice to me, all right?  In fact, I’ve decided it’s time for us to go around the room, and each of you should say why you think I’m terrific. Who wants to start?

(After an awkward pause STANLEY tremulously steps forward)

PRINCE: Who’s that?  Oh, Stanley? Fuck.  Ok, fine, it’s fine, go ahead.

STANLEY: I just wanted to say, your worshipfulness, that I really, deeply, appreciate…

(The lights dim and a dreamlike somnolence seems to overtake the party guests.  Alternating between unison and echoing, they intone.)

GUESTS:
Ring-a-round the rosie,
A pocket full of posies,
Ashes! Ashes!
We all fall down…

You called me, and I came.
Not by name did you call me
But by indifference you summoned me
By your cruelty you invoked me
And I am here.

The powerless know
That I at least can touch you
Finally something that can get under your skin
Wipe that smug smile off your face
Make you sweat

You lied and said
My kind was a punishment from God
A divine judgement on the sinners
It wasn’t true but I am come among you now
And sinner I judge you.

Ring-a-round the rosie,
A pocket full of posies,
Ashes! Ashes!
We all fall…

(The lights return to normal and the spell has passed. The GUESTS don’t realize what has happened but the PRINCE heard everything.)

PRINCE:   All right, goddammit. That does it. Lights! Bring up the lights!

(The lights change to a harsh White)

PRINCE: Who’s idea was that?! Confess! Was that your idea, Stanley?

STANLEY: No sir-

PRINCE: What a bunch of BS.  Security!  Security! Get him outta here. Get him the hell outta here.

(The Mercenaries drag STANLEY to the Bunker door and force him out, then close seal it again behind him.)

PRINCE: Look, people, we can all have a nice time in here, or things can be not so nice. I was going to save this next part for a bit later in the evening, but let’s do it now.  Boys, it’s time for me to feed my pet.

(One of the security guards sets down a dog bowl and empties a can of wet dog food into it.)

PRINCE: Mikey!  Hey, Mikey!  Come out here boy. (He whistles to call his pet)

(After a moment, a man in bondage gear and a bondage hood (colloquially ‘gimp mask’) crawls on stage on all fours and makes his way slowly over to the bowl to eat.)

PRINCE: Hey Mikey, you’re hungry arentcha? Well, go ahead and dig in. No people food for Mikey. But don’t worry, cans of Alpo keep a long, long time!

(As Mikey unzips his mouth to eat the dog food, the bowl possibly is turned towards the audience so that we can see it reads ‘PENCE.’)

PRINCE: You see, I don’t like dogs.  Disgusting things- never have, never will. If I had it my way, the virus would have wiped out all of the filthy mutts.  So instead of a dog, here in the Bunker I’ve got Mikey.  And I’ve got all of the rest of you too.  You are all my playthings here. But for now things can be nice.  Drink my wine. Laugh at my jokes. Don’t, and, well- I can always use another pet.  That’s enough for now Mikey. Go to your kennel you piece of shit.  (When Mikey keeps eating) I said get the hell out Mikey!  (One of the mercenaries drives MIKEY offstage.) Now let’s see what’s next on the agenda…

(The enormous CLOCK begins to strike, twelve times. Each strike the lights dim more, until by the twelfth stroke we are in total darkness.)

PRINCE: Who turned out the lights?  Get them going again, I can’t see a thing!

(In a single red light (footlight or handheld flashlight) we suddenly see the FIGURE with the blood-spattered face mask from before. She is the RED DEATH. All the GUESTS cry out in horror and attempt to distance themselves from her.)

PRINCE: Who dares?  Who dares insult me with this blasphemous mockery? Seize her and unmask her- that we may know whom we have to hang, at sunrise, from the battlements!

(The two mercenaries start toward her but freeze when she turns to them. They can’t meet her eyes. Slowly she starts to walk towards them but they flee to another part of the BUNKER.)

PRINCE: Oh don’t give me that crap! Cowards! What the hell am I even paying you assholes for?! Well, what the hell, if you want something done right….

(The enormous CLOCK in the middle of the set either opens or slides to one side- the PRINCE’s secret bunker-within-a-bunker has been behind it.  The PRINCE comes angrily storming out to confront the RED DEATH)

PRINCE: You! Yeah you, you bitch. How dare you come here dressed like that? Don’t you know who the hell I am?

(The RED DEATH slowly turns to face him)

PRINCE: Why are you wearing that mask?  You some kind of Horseface? Such a nasty woman.

(The RED DEATH approaches him)

PRINCE: Don’t you come near me. Don’t you touch me. I’ve always been afraid of germs-

(The RED DEATH places her hand on his face. The PRINCE dies, spectacularly.)

A GUEST: The Prince is dead!

ANOTHER GUEST: Seize her!

(The other GUESTS take up the cry, and summoning the wild courage of despair, the throng of revelers at once throw themselves at the mummer whose tall figure stands erect and motionless within the shadow of the ebony CLOCK.  But they gasp in unutterable horror at finding the robes and blood-spattered mask, which they handle with violent rudeness, untenanted by any tangible form. All of the guests also start to sicken and die each in the despairing posture of their fall. After a pause static is heard and we again can make out the VOICE from the pirate/hacker broadcast)

THE VOICE:  AND THE RED CORONAVIRUS HELD ILLIMITABLE DOMINION OVER ALL!

(Electro house music starts, the lights go nuts and the GUESTS return from the dead to dance around the PRINCE’s corpse with the audience. Or, if you’re socially distancing, you can have a solo dance party in your apartment!)

THE END

Curtain Call:

Tremendous thanks to all of the artists that made “Masque of the Red Coronavirus” possible:

Illustrations: Walter Bezt

The Prince: Shane Roberie
www.instagram.com/sroberie

Nadia / ‘Dance of the Seven Gels’ Dancer: Cyn S. Tease Ya
facebook.com/cyncatdances
Tips or donations: @Cynthia-Cat on Venmo

Stanley/ ‘The Lonely Spider’ Singer: Scott Gryder, accompanied by Nick Sula thescottgryder.com

‘The Lonely Spider’ Music Composed by: Jonathon Lynch
Jonathonlynchmusic.com
Support or Donate: patreon.com/jonathonlynch

Pirate/Hacker Radio Voice: Syd Genco
www.madcbs.com
www.instagram.com/madcbs
Tips or donations: paypal.me/madcbs

Fire Dancer: Dawn Xiana Moon of Raks Geek
raksinferno.com
facebook.com/raksgeek
Tips or donations: @RaksGeek on Venmo

Opera Singer: Mikaela Sullivan
mikaelaraesullivan.com

‘The Guests’ Chant: Kat Evans
www.starlightradiodreams.com
Tips or donations: @Kat-Evans-5 on Venmo

Mikey: Adrian Hadlock
www.instagram.com/trashmcgash
Tips or donations: @AdrianHadlock on Venmo (use code 0386 if first-time donor)

Electro House finale: Original Music by Jonathan Wagner

Please support and donate to these artists!

.Pdf of the script is here.

If you’d like to donate to Black Button Eyes Productions, we are a fiscally sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a 501c3 organization, and our donation page is at this link here. Please consider supporting the above artists first though!

For any licensing or other queries, please reach out to the company at
blackbuttoneyesproductions at gmail dot com.